It seems I did. Interesting. And by interesting I mean 'Alex is amazingly loud and I feel vaguely unsettled.'

I jave to say, after this stupid series of adds I'm going to think twice before going to best buy.

Would like very much to be able to breathe out of her nose. And for some peace and quiet.

DATES!
Um, and I guess being on the tube with either almost no one or huge amounts of people pushing against you.

http://www.e-dologic.co.il/shofar/

A break from emo.

And this is why posts should automatically go private and then you have to switch them to public. I hope no one saw that. Or I guess don't tell me if you did.

I was told that I'm very self aware today. I think that's the best complement I've ever gotten.

...I can now breathe deeply in my old one.

Isn't it though?

I haven't really had anything lighthearted to post for a while but I kinda felt like posting. So yeah. Everything is going well. I've been thinking a lot but, I'm pretty happy with how that is going and don't feel like I need to make any decisions for a while. Classes are going well and if I ever start studying for finals this years grades could be just as good or better then last years. I have my art crit on Tues which I am excited about since I think Susan likes me and I've learned a lot so hopefully that will equal a good grade.
That's all for now. :)

So it amounted to lots of food, stress and difficult conversations with my parents. Similar to all the other times I go home. Not all of it was bad, but it leaves me with a sense of disapproving that I don't like. I mean, if you're gonna teach your only daughter to be independent and not care about what people think if she thinks she is making a good decision, could you lay off the guilt?
And what happened to 'we can't judge' since we weren't always religious. Ahhblurglmph.
On a more positive note I got to see my nephew again! He is the most smart, adorable, 8 week old ever. Yep. Anyway it was really cute and we had a 'conversation.' At least he paid attention to me for more than 5 minutes, which is more than my brother could manage. For G-d's sake people.
And I made apple pie this year! which meant that there was no pumpkin, cause I didn't have time for both. And my mom bought the wrong sugar so the crumble looked wrong and didn't brown. But it was good so I guess it's ok. Also I now have a newfound appreciation for apple pie ;)
Got no work done though. I don't know why I'm so stressed, but I guess if you factor in all the thinking I've been doing it amounts to a lot of stressors.
And I need to set up my itunes which is both exciting and daunting. I've never been 'into' music but I like to listen to it. I just don't have the patience to find new music and write down names and follow bands and thinks.
Talked to my home friends for a few hours after Shabbos. That was...interesting. I like them, but it's so hard to keep in touch. I guess we're doing pretty well actually. It's just hard to talk about... certain things with them. Mostly it was good to see them. And have good pizza and stuff, lol.
Anyway, I should go back to reading Persuasion. It's good, I'm just so tired.

:) Glad to be back at deis.

So I wish there was a way to make even the private entries not so you could see them unless you click on them. It's just kinda embarrassing to see them there. Yeah.
Also; I wish the people next to me would shut up. Is that so hard? No. No it's not. Or if they could have less irritating voices. Or say maybe the school could make the walls a little thicker. I just thank G-d that they are not having sex. Yet. *shudder* Note to self; see how thick the walls in the village are before trying to live there next year.
Also; so the last Great Laptop Incident left me with no itunes: any recommendations for new music to try? It would be greatly appreciated.

I wonder if thinking about things and trying to understand them actually ever makes me feel better. It just always brings up new questions, which I get to be the way the world works, but it's starting to bother me that I don't think I can ever really understand anything. Anything important that is. But maybe the important things are really simple? Maybe I just have a need to overcomplicate things so that they are always continuous. Maybe I'm afraid that if things are simple they will end in answers I don't like.

In conclusion: I like thinking about/ talking about these things even if they bother me.

So I'm not sure if having the lj makes me think about things more so that I can write about them, or if I got it to write what I was thinking. I mean, know that it's both, but it's the same kind of funny logic in psyc that means that the never have to/ can come to real conclusions.
Speaking of psyc we had a class today on (thinks about going to check notes and doesn't bother) how you see the world and how that relates to mastery motivation and learned helplessness and stuff. So I don't feel like going into it, but it feels like each lecture is meant to apply to me recently. *shrugs*
I got my Roman history test back and I did well! That was exciting. I'm going to try and study a lot for the final b/c I want to do really well.

Things are just going well for me recently I think. No major problems with my family. Classes are better than last year. I can paint again and am "starting to create my vision of the world" according to my art teacher. And other things are looking good. I don't know. I'm just really happy.

I went with Danielle to ask F-Board for money for Birka. I hope we get it, it should be a great event. I didn't get to go last year b/c it's on a Saturday but we want to go Friday and stay over. Oh, I think it would just be so much fun. And it's nice to feel like I'm going to have responsibility. Yeah, I actually do like being in a leadership position, big surprise. I just wish Danielle didn't have to leave. I feel like the year's going by much too quickly. 1st semester dragged along but I wish this one was much longer. At least I'm enjoying it more, I guess.

So I feel as if all the things I want to post are either private, and then I make them private, or boring. And what's the point of having this and having it be set for friends or public, if it's really dull. Maybe I'm not exhibitionist enough. I just assume that hearing about or SCA event today (really cool, but I'm too tired to make it sound that way) or the loud people in my hall/thin walls in my hall would annoy everyone else the way it annoys me.
Other options I guess are to talk about private things but be very general and not use names or anything. But then if you know me wouldn't that just be irritating? And if I wanted you to know I'd rather tell you directly.
A last option, I think, is to use this to talk over things, as in greater questions, that were bothering me. So this too can be specific or general but I think it would be possible to talk about some things in a general capacity that is still interesting and useful to me.
Probably this will end up being a mixture of all of this, but I just wanted to talk it out.
So do you (two) think that's a good idea?

Now I'm off to the Campus Center cause it's too loud to do work here. For some reason I can do reading better there. And, well, being in my room makes my mind wander. Maybe it's the slash posters.

So I just got back from art and was setting up my livejournal (I think they go together in a way) and went to the bathroom and realize that there was something on my eye. Now I was pretty sure that I did not put on makeup so on closer inspection I realized that it was white oil paint. Now I'm no expert but that does not seem safe so I wiped it off with a paper towel before thinking of using makeup remover pads.
Why did no one tell me this in the 3+ hours since I finished? Not sure but it doesn't help me like my art class any more.

This feels like a good day for a first post. I wrote to my friend on facebook that "Right now I've fallen into one of those moods where I feel like I have no purpose and can't understand why I'm trying to be and artist and think I will never find the right person to marry and don't know what to do with religion." Which kind of sums it up I guess. Plus I'm behind in my school work but cannot seem to bring myself to do it.

Now I'm generally a happy person and by tomorrow I'm probably have forgotten this, but I think the point of the lj to me is to be able to get down thse things before they pass. I'm not really a journal person, but I do like the idea of being able to look back and see what I was feeling on Nov 11th 2008. I've still got my old lj floating around cyberspace so I can look at it in the futer and see it's cute 10th grade naiveness.

What else? I'm feeling old and really young at the same time and in all the wrong ways. Also just a general cloud of confusion. Probably why this post makes so little sense and goes from topic to topic without being that specific. I guess I'll get back into the habit of writing and it will work better? I hope so.

Bye, y'all.